


Please Don´t Leave Me

by FarAwayInWonderland



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: "Faith", 5.10, Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M, Unrequited Love, semi-happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 12:25:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4666422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarAwayInWonderland/pseuds/FarAwayInWonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their embrace ends and Harvey reluctantly lets go. Mike nods at him one last time and then Harvey´s watching him walking out of his office, through the empty hallways of PSL. The end of an era. The end of him.</p><p>Harvey hopes that nobody can hear his heart shatter.  </p><p>-----</p><p>A Marvey take-on of Suits 5.10 "Faith"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Takes Two..But I´m Only One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marveyllous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marveyllous/gifts), [sal_si_puedes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_si_puedes/gifts), [Sauffie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sauffie/gifts).



> Say hello to me on [tumblr.](http://specter-und-ross.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I watched the series finale of Suits and it was so heartbreaking. The last half of the episode I spent crying and I was still crying will I wrote this. Hope you enjoy and cry with me.

“I´m glad you´re here. I need to tell you something,” Harvey says and it´s more a deep statement of faith than a casual remark. He said it like there was no doubt that Mike would be here – here with _him_ – even though there is so much shit going down.

For Harvey Mike is a certainty; a steadfast rock in the currents that threaten to drown him, the one person he knows who will always have his back, no matter what. Harvey looks at Mike and sees what he thought he had lost long ago with no hopes of ever regaining it: unconditional loyalty. And maybe Harvey wished for more – _so much more_ – but it was enough. It had to be.

Behind Mike, through the windows, Harvey can see the skyline of Manhattan. Thousands of lights behind thousands of windows, illuminating the night. Usually you can´t see any stars on the night sky over Manhattan, but this night Harvey can glimpse a few and he wonders if it means something. Some kind of sign, maybe. Usually he isn´t one to have such thoughts, but today is… _different._

They have won the war, but the final battle had cost them much. Harvey is weary – so fucking sick and tired of going through the same motions again and again. Once he had loved his job – the thrill, the money, the recognition – but now he´s always left wondering who will be the next coming after the firm, after him or after Mike. Who is the next aiming to destroy everything he fought for. And maybe it´s selfish, but some part of Harvey´s mind is glad that now everything is over.

His letter of resignation weighs heavily in his breast pocket, but it´s also physical proof that everything´s over soon. Looking at Mike, his hair geled back, his immaculate suit, leaning against the shelves on which his signed basketballs stand, Harvey can feel the weight pressing on him lessening. Mike looks like he belongs in here and the urge to simply stretch out his hand and touch him is so great, that Harvey has to take a step back. He had his chances and he hadn’t taken them. Too late for regrets.

“Whatever it is, it might not matter after I give you this,” Mike replies.

“What is it?” Harvey knows what it is. But he has to ask the question to uphold the small semblance of normality. Maybe he´d been naïve believing that there wouldn’t be any consequences for Mike after all this was over, but Harvey had hoped that it wouldn’t be this. Everything but this.

“Harvey, you didn’t just gave me my dream,” Mike begins and Harvey just wants him to stop. No big speeches, no gestures of thanks, no _letters_ …because then he could stay a little bit longer in his fantasy world where Mike is still by his side and nothing can hope to stand against them. _Don´t!_ He wants to scream. _Don´t say it! Don´t make it real._ But Harvey remains silent. “You gave me a family.” And this is what nearly breaks Harvey. He may have given Mike a family, but he wants to give him so much more. He wants to make Mike smile, to cry with him, to see Mike look at him with the same love in his eyes that he holds for Rachel. He wants to be the family Mike will built with Rachel instead, but when he looks at Mike´s finger and sees his engagement ring – _ugly, tainting, wrong_ – he knows that such thoughts will forever be restricted to the realm of dreams.

‘ _Almost_ ’, such an ugly word. Almost won. Almost finished. Almost keeping Mike by his side.

“But I´m gonna have a family of my own someday and I can´t have all this hanging over their heads,” Mike finishes.

“You´re resigning,” Harvey says and the words taste like ash in his mouth. He had so hoped that at least Mike would stay even when he´s gone, because Harvey knows how much being a lawyer means to the younger man. He miscalculated.

“I am.” Mike´s voice is steady and his gaze doesn´t waver. He has made his decision and he will stand by it.

“You know,” Harvey saiys, “you once asked me why I hired you and I told you life is like this and I like this…”

“Harvey, please, you can´t convince me…”

“Let me finish,” Harvey interrupts. _Let me finish. Let me have this last few moments with you where it´s just us; no Rachel, no Donna, no Jessica, just us._ But he doesn’t say it. “It was like this not because of the risk we´re taking.” He swallows. His throat is so dry. “It´s because of who you are.” Harvey knows that Mike won´t recognise what he truly means by that, but at least it´s out in the open now. He said it.

“So you´re not disappointed?” Mike askes and the light that rekindles in his eyes at Harvey´s words is worth all the pain. Maybe he can´t give Mike much, but this small thing is something he gives gladly.

“Are you kidding me?” he tries to sound happy, but to him it´s sounds hollow. Mike doesn´t seem to notice though. “After that speech, if you hadn´t done this, I´d be kicking you out.” Harvey says that only for Mike´s benefit. He´d never kick Mike out – he couldn’t. But this is something Mike needs to hear in order to finally let go. Harvey wants to be selfish – he really, really, wants – and say something different to make Mike stay, but he can´t do that to Mike. Mike deserves to be happy, even if this happiness would be without him. “And for the record, you´re not the only one who got more family out of this deal.”

Mike walks forward, hand stretched out, but Harvey ignores it and hugs him instead. This was his last goodbye – his last chance – and he would make it mean something. Harvey tries to convey everything in this one gesture; his loyalty, his devotion – _his love_ – and maybe Mike notices. Harvey will never know. Maybe one day Mike will tell his children about him, about their adventures, about how they fought against the odds and won, about all the shenanigans they pulled through with a wistful sparkle in his eyes. And maybe Harvey would be allowed to be there, standing on the side-lines and wishing he´d chosen differently on the many times he could have.

Their embrace ends and Harvey reluctantly lets go. Mike nods at him one last time and then Harvey´s watching him walking out of his office, through the empty hallways of PSL. The end of an era. The end of him.

Harvey hopes that nobody can hear his heart shatter.  

* * *

 

Harvey sits in one of his comfy office chairs, his finger gliding over the edge of his glass of scotch, staring at nothing, when he hears someone enter his office. He doesn’t turn around. He knows who it is.

“You walked out before we got a chance to celebrate,” Jessica says and takes place opposite of him. Harvey just looks at the woman that made everything possible for him, who had been his friend and sometimes his enemy – but above all who had been his family when he had none – and wishes that just for a moment she would see how hurt he is inside. See behind his mask. But Harvey had learned from the best and so Jessica sees nothing.

“I´m sorry,” Harvey says and he isn´t sorry at all. There is nothing to celebrate; only the broken pieces of his life lying on the ground. “It´s just been a long day.”

“Harvey, how exactly did you get that termination letter from Forstman?” Maybe Harvey had erred; maybe Jessica did see behind his mask. Every trace of happiness is gone, instead she is looking at him with serious expression.

“Let´s talk about it in the morning,” he evades the question. He just can´t take losing Mike and Jessica on the same evening. He just wants to keep this for one night.

“Harvey.” He recognises that tone. Jessica won´t give up until she knows.

“I agreed to step down,” he confesses and watches as Jessica´s face fell in confusion. Now it´s said and he hopes that Doctor Agard´s characterisation of Jessica isn´t wrong.

“Absolutely not!” Jessica exclaims and it warms Harvey´s heart that even though Mike is no longer here with him, he can still count on Jessica. But there´s no use for her outrage. He cannot be swayed anymore. “You are not going to step down.”

“ _It´s done_ ,” Harvey says and with his tone he implores Jessica to just let it go. He doesn’t want to spend their last time together fighting and screaming at each other. He had enough of that.

“Nothing´s done.”

“Jessica, please,” Harvey begs, “you´ve given up everything for this firm. It´s time someone gave up something for you.” Maybe it´s selfish of Harvey to make this decision, but he´s done with people leaving him: his mother, Scottie, Donna and even Mike – this time it will be him who leaves before someone else does the job for him.

“What if I don´t want you to be the one to do that?” Jessica asks and her voice breaks. Harvey looks at her and sees one single tear running down her cheek. That´s as much as Jessica will allow. She is the strongest person Harvey knows; she doesn’t do weakness.

“Then forgive me because I am,” Harvey replied and that´s the only apology Jessica will get. They´re beyond meaningless words now.

“Good news is, Mike Ross is leaving,” he can´t help but add bitterly. This will be something he will always hold Jessica responsible for; for all the things she put Mike through. But he doesn’t voice it. What use would it be now?

“I never thought I´d say this, but at this moment, that doesn’t feel like good news,” Jessica replied pensively and right in this moment Harvey is so grateful for that. He pours some scotch into the second glass on the table. Both of them lift their glasses and clink them.

It´s a crude, mocking gesture. There´s nothing to celebrate.

“Harvey, Harvey!” If there´s one thing Harvey can do without right now then it´s a crying Rachel Zane in his office. Before he can kick her out of his office, though, she speaks up.

“They arrested him,” she sobs. “They arrested Mike.”

Thousand shards of glass shatter through the air.


	2. Come Alive And Shatter Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven years later there is a ghost waiting for Harvey in the lobby.

“Mr. Specter it´s time for you to leave this office and go home.” Harvey looked up to see Gretchen standing in the doorway to his office, hands on her hips as she looked at him like a child that needs admonishment. Time had treated her kindly. She still looked like she did five years ago when he´d hired her on a whim. And now she was one of his closest confidantes.

Harvey let his gaze wander through his ‘new’ office. Even after all those years he couldn’t think of it without that particular prefix. He had taken the records, the base- and basketballs and the desk from his old office from Pearson Specter Litt (now just Pearson Litt) and set them all up in here, even though the room was smaller than his old office.

“I have still work to do,” he replied to Gretchen, holding up some of the papers that lied on his table. Gretchen just gave him a long-suffering look.

“That can wait until tomorrow,” Gretchen said. “Or give it to one of the associates.” Sometimes Harvey had to consciously remind himself that he had associates now. It had always been Mi- Louis had always overseen them, but Louis was not here any longer. Harvey was Managing Partner of Specter & Co. and he had control over everything. It still was a strange feeling for him.

“What would I do without you?” Harvey teased her with a smile. He knew that he was still attractive, even though his crinkles had deepened and the laughing lines wouldn’t vanish anymore when he wasn’t laughing. Women still loved to flirt with him. But Harvey never flirted back – never wanted to.

“We both know where you´d be without me,” Gretchen said. She didn’t need to remark further. They both remembered how it was shortly after Harvey had resigned from PSL. The drinking, the unkempt appearance, the bouts of anger and sadness and the pills that had had a full grip on Harvey until one day Gretchen appeared and forced him out of his stupor with some very colourful choice words. She may had some help from Donna, though.

“Just go home, Mr Specter,” Gretchen said and patted his arm. She´d never taken Harvey on his offer to call him by his first name. Harvey had never asked why and accepted it as part of her character.

“I will, Gretchen, I will,” he assuages her and she gives him one sceptical look before she walks out of his office. He could hear her rummaging through her desk before she switched out the lights and leaves for the elevator.

Harvey grudgingly accepted that there wasn´t any more work done today and headed for the elevator as well. Gretchen, seeing him coming, held open the door for him and Harvey gave her a short nod of thanks as the elevator doors closed in front of them.

“Ms. Pearson will call again tomorrow,” Gretchen broke the silence with the reminder. “Should I turn her away like always?” There was no judgment in her voice and for that Harvey was grateful. Gretchen never judged. She just stood there and asked him what to do and if it was something particularly stupid she would just lift her eyebrow at him and Harvey would change his course. But she never judged him.

“No,” Harvey said and the only indication that Gretchen is surprised by that answer is how she glances at him over the edge of her glasses. “I think it´s time that I talk to Jessica.” The things between them had to be made right again. Both of them had hurt each other so much during the short time of Harvey´s breakdown, said things that they could never take back, but now Harvey´s life was stable again and it was time to bury those old grudges. No use to let the past drag him down.

There´s no sign of what Gretchen thought of his decision. She just nodded at him and when the elevator doors open, she left straight for the building exit. Harvey took a moment and let his gaze wander over the lobby. It wasn’t as glamorous as PL but his clients didn’t care about glamour. Most of them where glad that there was a law firm that took their cases. Harvey could have his office in a dumpster and they would still come.

“Harvey?” Harvey heard the voice and yet he didn’t react. Because it was just imagination, wasn’t it? The owner of the voice couldn’t be here. He just – just couldn’t. He couldn’t come here and crash in on Harvey´s new life. He had left his ghosts behind. There was no room for them anymore.

Yet Harvey slowly turned around only to look into a face that he thought he´d never see again. Mike hadn’t changed that much. His hair was shorter than the last time and his eyes were older – _had seen things_ – but they were still the same eyes that Harvey had lost himself in so many times years ago. He wore a dark blue Henley and a black jeans. Mike had always looked the best in casual clothes.

“Mike?” Harvey croaked, his voice suddenly dry and his palms sweaty.

“Yeah, it´s me,” Mike confirmed and took a step forward. Harvey took a step back – _he couldn’t, not right now, he needed space_ – and tried to ignore the short look of hurt that flashed over Mike´s face before it was replaced again by his cheery façade.

“Can we…can we talk?” Mike asked tentatively. That were the words that broke the dam.

“’Can we talk?’” Harvey repeated incredulously. “’Can we talk?’ We could have talked when you were arrested, or when you were on trial or even when you were in prison! But remember? You refused to see me every single time!” At the end Harvey shouted, not caring that everyone that entered the lobby would be able to hear him. All the anger, the hurt and the desperation that he had thought he´d left behind years ago were suddenly back again in full force and this time Harvey would not hold back. Mike wanted to say something, but Harvey didn’t care.

“I was there, you know?” he continued. “I was in my condo, waiting for you to call, so that we could fix this, like we always did, but you never called. I was there on the day of your trial only to be told by Louis that you didn’t want to see me. I was there – at prison – seventeen times only to be told that you refused to see me. And now you want to talk?!”

“Please, Harvey,” Mike begged and Harvey could see the tears beginning to form in his eyes. “I just got out. You were the first person I went to.”

“Not Rachel?” Harvey shot back. Mike just shook his head.

“We haven’t talked to each other for over five years,” he confessed quietly and Harvey feels a dark kind of satisfaction at that. “Please just hear me out.” Harvey didn’t know why he didn’t just turn around and walked away. Maybe he wanted to finally be finished with that chapter of his life and this was his last chance at closure. Maybe because he thought that he owed Mike at least that, after all they had been through. Harvey didn’t know why – his emotion were a complete mess – but he slowly turned towards Mike.

“What is there left to say?” he asked tiredly. All the anger had left him and now there was just a bone-deep tiredness that seemed to drown him.

“I want to explain myself to you,” Mike says and the way he looks at Harvey reminds him of all the times Mike had come to Harvey for advice. How he´d looked at Harvey like he´d hung the moon.

“Then let´s hear,” Harvey replied, stretching out his arms in a mocking gesture. “Let´s hear why you cut me off like that!”

“Because I was afraid!” Mike screams back at him. “I was afraid that if I met you they would get you as well. I was afraid that you´d look at me like I was a disappointment. I was afraid that you´d leave me like everyone else. But most of all I was afraid that my secret would destroy your life as well and Harvey – I just couldn’t do that to you.” He takes a deep breath. “And maybe you hate me for it, but at least you are free and you can hate me from the office of your own law firm instead of a prison cell.”

“It was not your decision to make,” Harvey whispered, but he knows that Mike can hear him.

“It was the best I could do,” Mike replied. “And I´d do it again – for you!”

“Why are you here, Mike?” Harvey asked wearily.

“Because I realized something,” Mike said. “I realized that it was you who gave me the chance to live my dream at least for a short while. It was you who backed me up when I needed it. It was you who took care of my when Grammy died. It was you who believed in me even when I couldn’t – even when Rachel didn’t. It was you, Harvey, it has always been you, even though it took me so long to realize it. And my time in prison made it clear to me, that life´s too short to waste it like I did.”

Years ago Harvey would have given everything to hear these words out of Mike´s mouth. He would have left everything behind just to walk a short while with Mike by his side, but now he just felt empty.

“Mike,” his voice broke. The Harvey Specter of today allowed himself to be weak sometimes. “I…I don’t know.”

“Please, Harvey,” Mike implores with hope and desperation waring behind those ocean-blue eyes. “Just give me – give us – this chance!”

A moment of silence. No words, no noises, nothing but two men who had been broken and pieced together so many times that they lost count.

“Yes.”


End file.
